im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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