It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
