so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
