ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
