just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
