apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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