A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
