We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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