i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
