I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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