Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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