But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
