dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
