dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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