For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
