He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
