So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
