I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
