Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How external is "for external use only"?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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