Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
