Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
