We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
