I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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