i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
