I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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