I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
