The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
