those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
