In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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