Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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