My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
