what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
