well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
