He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
