ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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