We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dick very happy bro
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
