He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
