apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what day is it and did you see me today?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
