When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
