I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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