honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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