Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
