Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
