I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
