The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
