Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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