U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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