I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
