I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
