I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
