Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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