When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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