when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
